Take care

The good part of being busy with your career: you cannot think of anything else except for work. The bad thing: you cannot think of anything else except for work. But today, it seemed a little different. There was something bizarre in the air. Good or bad, I don’t know. Though I have a car but it seems easy to board a public transport on working days. Too much crowd and traffic! And today, I was lucky to get a window seat in my regular over crowded bus. I always find this morning hustle bustle alluring. The rush, the energy, those mechanical and invisible wheels attached to the feet and all pacing towards their destination. Not knowing what’s waiting. Nor caring what’s left or what’s gone. I woke up from my dreams when the recorded voice screamed the name of my stop. I hurried past the passengers towards the door and got down.

I was sitting in my office, sipping my tea when an associate knocked at my door and handed me a copy of some joining letter. “Today is 9th sir. I had already sent you the list. I knew you were too busy to open. Anyways, the newbie is here!” She spoke all of this in one breathe and left. I took another sip and opened the letter, the name written there in bold capitals left me speechless. Taani! After 15 years!! “May I come in?” A voice came and there she was in front me. Same deep blue eyes, long hair. Something was there on her face too. I gestured her to sit down. We sat like that, for how long we don’t know. She broke the silence, “So Naveen, after a long time, heh?” I nodded. “I am transferred to the retail section on promotion. I will be reporting you. It never crossed my mind that the name meant you, when my joining letter had the name ‘Naveen Sahni.” She kept on saying and I kept on gazing her with one million flashbacks running like some Polaroid in my mind. “So how’s your wife? Maybe we four could catch up sometime.” “Four?” I exclaimed. “You and your wife and me and my husband! So four!” I had almost forgotten that she had a courtship long ago before mine. She left me with my thoughts and I started putting efforts to not have any kind of over thinking.

I was back at home with an attempt to leave the work chaos at the work. But thoughts of Taani came back to me in fragments. Neha, my wife, explained me her tension about her appraisal, about her ever annoying boss, gossips of her competitor and so one. And my mind wandered everywhere except for her stories. The night got worst, when it gave me everything except sleep.

Taani and I met in college. The same boring story. First friendship, then more than friendship and then love. Nothing extraordinary. I remembered every moment, when we used to sit at marine drive on a full moon night and staring at the glittering sea. Counting the waves and wandering in our Neverland. “You know why I adore the sea more than mountains? The waves are like us. So what if we aren’t together. We shall still walk hand in hand. Walk down to the shore at the same time and return to our abode at the same time. Following each other forever. We shall never be away from each other, you see?” And while I was still lost in twinning her waves with that of mine, she suddenly decided to change her route. Her father made her marry someone else who belonged to their community. She was never heard. I, on the other hand, always held that anger that she never even tried to fight. I was ready to take her with me. Since I had nothing in my hand to prove that I was capable of something, she chose someone else over me. At least, that was my way of forgetting everything about her. There was no point staying in touch. I never had the slightest idea that she had joined the same bank where I am working. Life moved on and one day I met Neha. She knows about my past. She had always accepted me for who I am and who I used to be. Nobody has ever loved me as she does. I trained my mind to make that affection sufficient to live with and buried my dying love for a girl who didn’t even dare saying a good bye.

Another day came and then another and life happened once again. Me and Taani, had sort of developed a routine. We discussed the progress once in a day and then never saw each other. I tried to hide whatever I felt and pretended to be busy with files. Like a fool, I brought old cases from the file room and placed on the table so that she thought I don’t have any time and never ask any personal questions. She was intelligent enough to observe, that I know since ages. She never said anything and always smiled. I had no idea why that glitter in her eyes made me sadder. I still had that sense of pang that it was her who had left me. A sort of an ego that I didn’t get her.

One day, an employee came to me with a box of sweet and an invitation card. “It’s my wedding. Please do come with your wife, sir! No excuses.” I congratulated him but all that I was thinking about was Taani too would bring her husband. Even after an era, why am I so incapable to accept this simple fact? It’s never written anywhere that real life has to be a fairy tale.

The evening came. I asked Neha to come with me. I was desperate to take her with me so that it became easy to avoid the two but she had an important meeting with a US client and couldn’t manage.

I went there alone, preparing for and imagining a billion surreal situations in my head. I went to the couple, greeted them and found a silent corner to sit. The waiter handed me a glass of mojito. I gazed at the people around me, youngsters taking selfies and women flaunting their jewellery and men discussing about their work. “So, you are alone here. Your wife…. Umm?” Taani pulled a chair and sat beside me, facing the stage. “Neha, her name.” I said calmly. “Yes Neha, you didn’t bring her?” She continued. “No, she had an important meeting with her client. Your husband?” I replied. “You remembered his name and then forgot, didn’t you?” She tried joking, “Raghav, his name. He’s out of town.”

We remained silent for a moment. Then, she spoke again, “You still haven't forgiven me, have you?” Words never came out of me. I clutched the glass in my hand even harder and then loosened with the fear of breaking it. She kept on saying, “I don’t blame you Naveen, I know I deserve it. You have all the right. You think I have discarded you in my life and moved on. Only my heart knows of the nights I have spent in despair, imagining and reimagining every situation with you. Remembering the times spent with you. Thinking what you would have done when something happened. It’s almost 6 years and I haven’t spoke to my parents since then for snatching you away from me.”

Something moved in me. I kept drifting in her eyes, spell bounded. I tried saying something but my voice never came out and I felt the corner of my eyes getting wet. She looked at me intently and continued, “Yes Naveen. I swear I am not lying. But this is also true that I have changed over the time. And the reason is my partner. Raghav is a nice man. Whatever had happened between us or happened between me and my parents, Raghav was never a part of it. So isn’t your wife, Neha. Am I right? Both don’t deserve to stay deserted from the happiness they have dreamt of. Raghav loved me more than I have ever loved you. I couldn’t love him back but I learnt with the time to respect him, to support him and stay satisfied with the little things. You too did the same things, I can tell with the amazement you had poured on the first day when we met after ages. I follow you on social media with an anonymous name for over 4 years now. So that I could still be in touch with you and know about you but didn’t want your serene life to be disturbed by me, yet again.”

I finally managed to utter something. “You said you still love me? But I have always tried to hate you. I thought it was the only way I could get rid of your memories!”

“Remember when I said that lovers are like waves of a sea? They don’t have to be together but they will still be there for each other, following each other. I may not be present for you or vice versa, but I am always grateful for the things you have given me. That’s why, I always have your name in all my prayers. You deserve loads of happiness.”

“You too Taani! And you have changed me today yet again. I don’t remember myself how many times I had cursed you. Right now, I feel like I have failed myself once again. You don’t deserve me.” My voice broke.

“Don’t ever say that again.” She exclaimed,”And now that we can make a new beginning can we promise to each other that we will always keep ourselves happy?”

I nodded. It was already late. I asked her if I could drop her. She agreed. We drove in silence. Taani hadn’t changed a bit. She still loved me. She cared for me like she did. Everything was about me and my childishness. We reached her place. I held the door for her to get down.

“Taani?” She glanced back. “Take care. Of yourself! Of your husband! And of your beautiful heart!”

She smiled with her twinkling eyes. “I will Naveen.” She said. “And you too are too precious, you know now! So take care, always.”

I kept on adoring her even after she had disappeared into her apartment long ago. All of a sudden I started thinking of my wife. I accelerated and drove fast, to share a piece of this new life with my beautiful partner, who was waiting for me back at home.