True Love

Parties are always boring. At least to me, who neither is able to find a perfect place to sit, a perfect drink to sip, a perfect thing to talk about or a perfect person to talk to. There’s always a conflict going inside you whether to approach first or to wait to be approached. This was supposed to be a school reunion. Almost having no options left to avoid, I sighed and entered the house. Throwing a fake smile to everyone and roaming around the room for a while, I found a cozy spot near the windows and placed myself there. A noise outside- down the roads of humans struggling their way out and trying to reach first wherever they are heading to and another noise inside- with another set of humans hopping and chirping leaving behind all the woes of life. I was quite consumed by my notions and amusing my own self when I thought I was called by someone. I turned around to look. It was Sahil.

“What a pleasant surprise? Hi Sonya! Look at you, you are so changed! Actually even prettier.” He exclaimed. “Thanks Sahil. Nice to meet you too! How are you? When did you return from London?” I replied.

“I am good. I am back in town permanently. I was about to call you.” He continued, “You know its being a long time since we have talked and met. I don’t remember me sharing all the stories I have in my Bucket list for you. Just us and our bff time!”

The music grew louder and we couldn’t listen to each other anymore. He managed to save my number on his phone and was dragged on the dance floor by someone.

Mom asked me hundred questions about the evening after I returned home. What did I eat, what did I do etc etc. I somehow answered all her queries and excused myself by faking a headache. That night brought me million memories and reveries. About my present and my past. My yore brought back remembrances of Sahil, my best friend and my first love. I recalled the time when I first met him in high school. He was an extrovert and always exaggerating. Exactly, opposite of my psyche. Maybe that’s why they say, ‘opposites attract.’ Passing schools together and then entering the same college in same streams, I never realized when that simple ‘hi-hello’ friendship grew into something more and into something called love. Though I never knew, what he is like on the other end. What I am to him. I never asked and never had the courage to accept if it was negative. Days passed in a monotonous nature. Until one day, when he showed up to say that he was leaving India. He got a job there and won’t return anytime soon perhaps. I don’t know if I was happy or sad or broken. But you cannot share anything to anyone. He did ping me, once in a while, on my birthdays, on festivals and that’s it. Time faded, phases shifted and days again went on. But I don’t know if my equation meant to remain same or not. I was justifying myself for myriad things when my phone rang. A horrible thought crossed my mind, what if it was Sahil. I am still not prepared to share or say anything. I took the phone in my hand; it was Nikhil, my fiancé. “Where have you been my beloved?” He teased, “I should be told at least if you have returned safely or not. Or else how am I going to learn how to be a dutiful husband?” and then he laughed at his own joke. I used the same excuse I told to mom and tried to cut it short. I hung up and went to sleep.

Next day, I was about to leave for office when my phone beeped. I hurried into the cab and took out my phone to check. It was Sahil. My heart sank and yet got excited. The text read, “Coffee @7? Our old place?” My fingers took forever to type yes. I felt helpless. And then I was scared about Nikhil. He does know about Sahil but not in the way he should. What if he feels betrayed? Something then came up in my mind. I typed yes, called Nikhil and asked him to come with me. He felt the excitement which I should have shown and readily agreed.

Sahil was as usual late. He came running towards us and I gave him an earful. “Look who has returned from the Lands of Sophistication and Perfection and still never learnt how to be on time?” I frowned. “Come on, don’t be a spoil sport. You always do that to me, at least spare him.” Nikhil retorted and both laughed. Sahil was still confused why had I brought this man with me and tried his best to ignore that fact.

“Hey Sonya! On 26th of this month, I am inaugurating my startup. Just those normal rituals we have before we start new things. A little worship and all. Please come. I am telling you almost a month before and I want no excuse.” Sahil spoke the entire sentence in one breathe. “Can you postpone or something please?” I asked. “I really can’t manage on that day. In fact I want you to come to my venue for that day!”

Sahil was clueless. He gazed at me blankly. Nikhil chuckled for a moment and then said, “You and your riddles, oh Sonya! Sahil, she is indirectly inviting you to our wedding! We are getting married on the same day. Please manage? You are her only best friend and you have to come.”

I saw something fading away from Sahil’s face. And perhaps something coming as tears in his eyes. And I felt like I had been buried thousand feet under the ground. That expression! Does it mean he has something for me? His voice became hoarse and without saying much he left.

Sahil came to meet me in my office the next day. I was quite taken aback though I didn’t show it. We sat at a cafeteria. I was staring at my mug, when he suddenly spoke, “Sonya, I know it’s too late. It’s my fault. It was me who took all the time in the world to realize that how important you are to me. I am nothing without you. I thought I have enough time. I can come back whenever I want to. And I failed to understand that I had lost my moon while counting the stars. But I still want to give it a chance because I know deep down somewhere, I am not just your companion, I am something more. Sonya will you….. Marry me?”

I was speechless. I was lost. Not a single word came out of me. My stomach had one billion knots and I felt like I was blown away by something. Without saying a word, I eloped straight away to home.

That night, I kept myself locked. I returned to no calls or texts. Nikhil had called me several times and I felt too weak to think anything or speak anything. I had a proud feeling for myself that I had been true to everyone in my life. That I have not betrayed anyone even unknowingly and I shall always remain honest to my core. But what now? At least one of them will be abandoned. This fear was nothing but the incompleteness I had felt my entire life for the loss of my love. Until I met Nikhil! We met in my previous workplace. He was my senior. He just did not teach me how to work, he taught all the ways to live life. He taught me to embrace little things, he taught me to love and move forward without looking back. Had I not met him, I would have forever drifted in my self created labyrinth. And while going through these inclinations, the clouds in my abode suddenly started ebbing away.

Next morning, I asked Sahil to meet me. We were sitting in a park. I started, “I wanted to fight when you declared that you were leaving forever. But I was never sure if had any right to stop you from going away. I thought I would never love again. I felt like being cheated. I felt broke for no apparent reason. You never committed anything. And yet I felt like I have been deprived. If it was love or obsession or addiction I don’t know. Any slight reminiscences of yours irritated me. But all this had escaped, after Nikhil guided me to the path of forgiveness and detachments. I loved you but I owe my life to him. You see Sahil, this is no DDLJ film, its real and we are real human beings with notions and emotions and not any actor in a tragic romantic movie. I can’t leave him. I will be with him till eternity. I am sorry. I hope you won’t break our 18 years of friendship because of this. You shall always be special to me!”

He listened the entire time I spoke. But he didn’t leave with anger, which I thought would happen. He smiled instead and caressed my hand, “As I said, no one’s at fault except for me. I am more proud than being sad and a little envious that Nikhil will get such a beautiful and loyal person as his soul mate. I just wish if you had a clone or something like that. I too would get someone like you. Take care of yourself. And I will be there whenever you need me.”

And like that, some stories end beautifully and are yet unfinished!