Waiting

"Patient's name?" the lady at the hospital reception repeated the second time. "I said already, Aryan Ahuja." I was getting impatient. She looked at me skeptically. "Sorry, we are following COVID protocols strictly, and only one person is allowed with the patient." I understood. Aryan's family must have reached before me. I sighed and asked again, "Can you at least tell me the room no.?"

"Room no. 502." She said without looking up from the computer screen.

Like some failed warrior, I walked to the emergency waiting room and sank back into the couch. It was half crowded. People rushing into the casualty ward and then being shifted elsewhere. My temples suddenly started throbbing, and I realized that I didn't eat anything after I saw that text from Rohan, a common friend, "Aryan in hospital, accident." That's it. I didn't know if he was okay or critical. Or how badly he was injured. His wife and the rest of the family must be with him, but here I was, waiting in the hospital, for nothing and everything.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the wall. When I opened my eyes, there was only one other lady. The rest were gone. I took out my phone to see if there were any updates but nothing. I threw the phone inside my bag and started staring into space. A kind-hearted staff suddenly broke the silence and addressed me, "The cafeteria is opened 24/7. You can get beverages if you want." He smiled and continued with his work. The lady and I half-smiled at each other and continued to drift in that silence.

"Coffee?" That lady was standing in front of me with a cup. I never noticed when she got up and went. "Thanks!" I said and took that cup from her. "Naina," I said. "Shalini," She replied.

We took small sips from our cups.

"Heart surgery, husband." Shalini continued.

A pang rose in my heart. I still didn't know why I was there.

I took a long breath and replied, "accident."

"Husband?"

"I don't know." I could feel the mist in my eyes.

She stared at me for a while and continued finishing her coffee.

"I have been waiting for almost a week now," She said to no one.

I understood why she got so easy with the strangers here. She already went through the hard part.

"How complicated?" She said without looking at me.

I looked at her with a question mark on my face.

"The person you are waiting for?"

Of course, this was not comfortable. I remained silent.

At the break of dawn, I walked to the desk and asked, "Aryan Ahuja, room 502, I want to know how he's doing?" The receptionist gave me the same answer, yet again, "You are not directly with the patient. We cannot share details. You may ask the family members."

I wanted to scream at her and my misery, but I didn't. Shalini gave me an assuring smile at the waiting area, and I left for home. I couldn't apply for leave and create official chaos at work.

I wished if my life could be accelerated like this car. Or if this car could take me to a place where there will be no history, memories, or reveries I had with this man.

We always fall for the wrong ones. We cannot choose who we fall for. He had a family then, a year ago. He has a family now. We didn't realize when it became more than friendship. It just happened. But I had some parts of my brain working and remembered what I had said, "I will not be the reason for a family's wreck. We will make it professional, and it will be nothing but a formal friendship." But yeah, it was easier said than done.

"You have already wrecked it, Naina! I won't be able to love anyone else like this or build what we have now. But, fine, you are allowed to forget me." He had replied this after two days of my decision and had stormed off from my cabin.

Yes, he was right. I had already ruined things. I did that to never face this misery, but here I was, the unwanted person waiting to have a glance at someone I don't own.

A school bus behind me honked till I was deaf and I came back to reality. I yet again made a decision to not return to the hospital but there I was at the hospital, after my office, again!

I averted my eyes from the receptionist like some kind of a thief and found a place in the waiting area. Shalini came in after a while and nodded at me. She was tired than she was yesterday. She looked pale and her eyes started gathering dark circles.

This time I got up and brought us coffee. "Thanks." She said.

"How's your husband?" I asked.

"Not too good." She controlled her tears back. I patted lightly on her palms and started sipping my coffee.

"Yours?"

"I don't know," I replied with no expressions.

"Have you patented that phrase?" She smiled and we both started laughing. It's strange how miseries and pain can bring people closer than love or friendship can.

"You are not wrong or bad. You are a good person too." She said, "You will hear from him soon."

I smiled and said nothing. We sat there together till the sun appeared in the sky and this time I left without making any attempt to get news from the reception.

And this became a routine for the next few days. I was getting nowhere, but I was at peace when I was with Shalini. Her husband's condition started getting better, and that was a good thing. At least one of us had hopes to hang on.

"Naina, are you mad?" Rohan caught me at the parking lot on the fourth day, "You are working for 8 hours in the office and then spending the entire night at the hospital? He would be fine because he is with his people, and they are taking care of him."

I stared at him. How foolish of me, he was in a normal situation, unlike me, and was in touch with Aryan's family. I sighed, "But what about you? Why are you doing this? And for whom are you doing this?" He yelled at me in one breath. I wiped that single tear that crossed my cheeks and left without saying anything.

But I failed myself again, and there I was at the hospital after my work. No reversing from the venture I had started.

"Naina," Shalini was in a happy mood, and it was easy to guess that her husband was almost ready to go home. "I am happy for you," I said.

"You know everything's got good and bad?" She said. I wondered how she is so easy to talk to.

"You were sent here for me. You made it easier to deal with the trauma." She held my hands, maybe a little tighter.

"Same here. You know I am nervous again that I would be alone in this waiting area waiting for my no-one ." I lowered my gaze.

"I will pray that he gets well and you don't have to wait anymore." She gave me a hug and left.

That night, I felt worse for being alone. I texted Rohan this time for updates. He didn't reply then, and I was back to square one. "Maybe I will stop coming here suddenly just like that. Like I had decided to come here the first day," I said to no one and fell asleep with my head on my lap.

My phone vibrated in my bag, and I woke with a start. It was 5 in the morning. "Aryan's fine. He will be going home soon, now go get some sleep." It was from Rohan. I got up first. Had a little walkathon in the room and then sat on my knees on the floor. I was numb. The days of undefined waiting were finally coming to an end. Then slowly, I started feeling the cold wind, relief, and smile on my face, all at once. " Shalini's prayer came true," I thought. I wished if I could share this with her, for she was the only one who believed in my stupidity.

I was preparing to leave finally when a voice echoed in the empty waiting room, "Naina!"

I turned around. My heart skipped a beat, and I could hear it loudly. "Reema!" I replied in a barely audible voice. Aryan's wife was standing in front of me. But there was no contempt on her face that I had always kept on imagining.

"I know you have been waiting here all these days to know if Aryan's okay." She said without an expression. I said nothing.

"The receptionist informed me the first day you came." I looked at the lady. She was clearly not overhearing and was too busy with her work. Nothing came out of me.

"You could have called me?" She asked.

I managed something to utter, "I... don't know. I don't know if it's appropriate."

She nodded.

"I understand." She said after a long pause.

"You didn't mind me coming here and waiting here every day?" I asked, surprised.

"I know the entire story. I know what happened. I didn't mind coming you here because if you were not considerate enough to push him away then, it would have been me waiting here in this room."

And that was the guilt I couldn't have lived with. I was so sure of that.

"I was never sure if I dared to meet you like this, but..." She tailed off.

We both were silent again.

"He's fine now. You can meet him."

I almost couldn't believe her saying that.

"What? You sure?"

"Yes, I am. My prayers were not the only ones that worked. It was way harder for you to sit here aimlessly. I know." She smiled.

I cried silently for a while. How long, I don't remember. But one thing I certainly knew, I couldn't have ruined this by walking into that same labyrinth again.

"No, that's fine. He's alive, and that's all I have wanted to know all these days." I tried smiling.

We exchanged some kind of mutual emotions silently, and I came outside.

The waiting to come out of a maze, the waiting to get back my life as well, waiting to get what was meant for me... My wait finally came to an end.